L.O.V.E

Gary had a few days off this week just gone for his birthday & family time. Complete bliss** (apart from when Boo hurt his eye falling over)

History Museum for Eddie Bears 4th

Jasper & I were so excited in the new year to be invited by my great friend Helen to The National History museum for her lil stud Eddies 4th birthday. He has never seen the dinosaurs & is a huge fan so we were so excited to join him on his first museum adventure with his sissy Lilly too (Lilly is so much like Darcey as a toddler I can never stop holding her & hugging her. She loves a good eskimo tiss too lil cherub!!)

We travelled on the train & the boys sat with each other playing AngryBirds on the ipad & eating all their lunch by 10am haha!! They were so well behaved & patient seeing as its an hour & half journey. We super mummed the tube & Victoria station & got to the museum early heading straight for the dinosaur display. Its just awesome & I really do want to go one day solo so I can slowly read all the amazing facts, plaques & details on all the dinosaurs & actually the whole museum. We snacked & had a drink pitstop then went onto the animal & large mammal room & the creepy crawlies display. The bubbas were just crazy happy all day & so excitable. Jaspers lil personality when hes confident & around his bestys is incredible & so adorable. He just loved showing off that he had been to the museum before also. We brought gifts for the cherubs & they so loved the interactive games & learning around the displays. We weighed Jasper against a giraffes average weight. He is 18kg & a giraffe is six times heavier than him. They had an array of animals to do this with so I want to go back again & weigh him against others as he so loved this. The museum was very busy but not uncomfortably although it definatly seemed busier than previous trips. We head home for 4pm & all got a seat on the train. With the bubbas playing with their new toys & colouring it was finally time to relax & amazingly Jasper & I slept for 13hrs that night haha. It was shattering taking three children but so so worth the effort, amazing day with amazing darling babys & a really great friend of mine. <3<3

Baby daddy birthday*

Its been my dear handsome man, my sissy Joey & my gorge Mama's birthdays all within the last week. We have had amazing family celebrations but also Gary & i got a date day & evening in all in one day aswell as having Darcey over on a school night to stay; they got to play army men. Their favourite game to play with their best dadda!! We had a wonderful day together acting fifteen again playing in the arcade on the pier & winning huge amounts of tickets for the bubbas to pick a prize with. We had a chilled coffee stop doing crosswords & reading articles together. That evening my pops babysat whilst we went to our favourite restaurant Latino in Hove. Its Spanish tapas with the most incredible food & Spanish beer :):) On the Sunday  to coinside with Joey & Garys birthdays being close we had a family bbQ at my parents home. Such a perfect setting as they live on the edge of the South Downs with their horse fields just off their garden so we have huge amounts of space to play on & take over. We played football, boules & ate a huge buffet of food & the bubbas just played & played until they were exhausted. Ducky is gettin so skilled at football & kicking just from playing with her daddy & Jaspey. Although Stud is more interested in putting his shin pads on his arms as muscles & pretending to be Ironman, he does love to cheer a good goal though haha. We had such a brilliant week of sunny weather too so happiness all round* 143

Growing project. Spring Bucketlist*

So for our Spring bucketlist we were learning about growing. Human body, nature, animals...anything that grows. We measured our height & as yet none of us have grown hehe. So a more visual activity to learn from was growing flowers. I wanted a fast action growth that we could see the root growth & all so we picked Cress, Alfalfa, Mustard & Rocket seeds. Placing them in damp cotton wool in clear tubs we documented each day what the seeds were doing. By day one they had popped & were already showing signs of change. By day 3 they were blooming & Jasper was just stunned & so thrilled he had created this indoor garden to water & watch. By day 6 the Rocket & Cress was standing tall & making our lounge smell of herbs haha. Darcey was home & very fascinated that Jasper had grown plants (if you can call them that) within the week. He decided he would like to restart the process with Darcey so we took photos, ate some cress on our Moussaka dinner & threw away our creations & started again. I love how easy this activity was & the pride i felt in not killing a growing seed straight away was awesome!! I adore the fact that Jasper was desperate to eat some of his home grown salad :) such a studley* 143

living arrow 19/52 i heart snapping

The core of my being is & has always been family. My sisters have always been my best friends & my mum my all. My brothers are my adventure & action memories & my pops has aged into the sweetest old guy with his grandchildren keeping him young. Now I have my own family, us Harrisons. Perfectly blended into such happiness & love with the deepness of our spirit being these two sweet angels I call my Studley & Ducky. My lil sweethearts who are so very different. So easy to love. So energized & positive every single day. They just radiate love. I cannot explain the depths of my heart for these babys. Its untouchable love, unconditional & so very overwhelming & consuming in the happiest form. I have grown up with such a connected, strong, honest family & I adore that my chosen blessings are honouring this family code. Instinctivly. Allowing their own creations & adventures to schedule the weekends. Their sweet songs made up in their heads sung only to each other. The role play in the bedroom when they think we are not listening, whispered games of school time with teddys & battles in american accents copying Spiderman & Xmen movies. I so adore my sweet son for his kind manner. The way he denies us all a dozen kisses now he understands he has a choice but when he is feeling it he wants snuggles for an hour with books on the sofa & kissing my cheeks constantly. I love how he sleeps with one of Darceys teddy bears at night confident that infact Darcey will feel his cuddles at her mummys house. Loving my clingy Ducky doo who is so into bedtime back strokes & loves that I join her in the top bunk for storytime & cuddles. So emotional & shy but so silly & open with us. She gains such strength from one on one time with us all including Jaspey. Left alone to play & enjoy each others company they become wild crazies. Loud, funny & so imaginative in their games & laughter. Just perfection. I am so motivated everyday by my happiness at sunrise waking to these darlings. We are so aware of how blessed we are as mama & daddy & so thankful. 143 our dear living arrows :):)

Springtime photography

Spring 2014*  Jasper is three years & ten months old & Ducky is six years & seven months. Time is flying away. We are appreciating everyday before baby boy starts school full time (break my heart). Our adventures make my heart smile. Us four 143*

messy day*

We had such a great day today. Jaspers Wot a mess class to start, running for the bus back in the rain washed off our painted wellies & mucky hands. We head for town to stock up on crafts & buy clear tubs for our indoor gardening (hah cress, alfalfa & mustard seeds). Im hoping as we used damp cotton wool we will be able to see the growth of the seeds each day & well hope they actually grow as Jaspey is so excited about them. We had such a good lunch & coffee date with Jasper doing some of the most amazing writing in his workbook. He is so proud of himself each time he gets praise after writing his name so perfectly & today he finally got his e's the right way round & found a technique to write the letter that suits him. He was giggling all cute & happy at my overwhelmed pride & excitement!! He sometimes struggles as a lefty but using a Letterland technique on how to place the paper for him to see his writing has worked wonders. So ridiculously proud of how much for one this lil stud adores learning & being educated with such advance knowledge. He is so into understanding how his body works & is loving our Spring project & has absorbed so much from our amazing books & from my own stories & experiences of travel & growing. When we got home again soaked by rain we got our comfties on & set up the table for some more fun. Planting the seeds came first which was simple & quick. Then much to Jaspers amazement we made shave foam clouds that rain :):) I spotted the science idea on Growing a jeweled rose. Such a great experiment & such good fun to see Jasper so in awe. Then the weather questions started :) Im so glad Im educating myself also with all his amazing books & feels good to have my memory jogged with his huge encyclopedia that belonged to my dear Nanny Light* I love that its now read by me for my sweet boy <3 Jasper then sloshed shave foam & water all over the table so I cleaned up & gave him a layer of foam to write with. He loved this but only wanted to write his name as he was tired. Too right. He had walked a huge amount during the day & had so much crammed into one day. We had read books, played Hot Wheels & made a ramp from my book ends, eaten heaps of yummy food & he even tidied his toys away with no asking from me. Just incredible this amazing boy. Such a happy angel so full of spirit & life. Giggles & singing. My boy, my amazing WONDERFUL son x x  i love you dearly with all of my heart sweet studley 143 xx

cant handle

I am beyond upset again tonight. I have felt this absolute low many times in five years of loving my darling Darcey. Gary & I both. But the frustration is overwhelming me again. The upset & anxiety of leaving our sweet girl with such a fraught atmosphere again unsure if she will receive comfort, love & cuddles. Another weekend of happy blissful smiles ruined in an instant for our sensitive cherub. No welcome home, no smiles. Just anger & cross words for us as the control of her mum has been in our hands, which creates such anxiety with her that she expels such cruel behaviour in punishment for us but ultimately Darcey too. Plans that have been promised for Darcey with us taken away in anger. Darceys tears* The sense that we are so out of control of our girls life. Okay not my girl, Garys baby, his first love. How he is still standing with the hurt he feels right now is beyond me. I am not writing this to expose Darceys mum, I need an outlet & today its in form of my blog. No doubt I will delete this before Darcey is grown to read it. But some sense often comes from writing down my upsets. I don’t know where it has changed back so drastically fast to being uncivil again. I have tried so very hard, I have masked my own insecurities as a step mummy to care for my ducky who could ultimatley reject this devoted love one day* I will forever love her with my all & wont be ashamed of this but Im knocked down so often. (Not by Darcey I must add)

Why cannot it be seen as admirable that I would like to gift this sweet boo with my heart too. She is a part of my family even if I wasnt to accept it. I am in her mothers life regardless of how that makes her feel. Its an odd situation but I have always tried to be so kind & friendly, not step on toes, not be too much or try & seek control & always always encourage happy thoughts of her mums house when Darcey is feeling sad about leaving our home. Ive been quiet when awful things have been spoken about me as to not create a reaction then more divide, I am patient when we are denied extra time with Darcey & am so accepting that her mothers choices for her may not be what we agree but thats her decisions & we obey, accept, follow the rules etc. But how is it even when we follow suit so easily & willingly that we are then delivered such nastiness. Driving away from Darcey knowing the tears are falling with her aswell as us is such an uncomfortable feeling that I could explode. I needed to scream & cry & scream some more. Gary just drove thumbing the wheel harshly, talking to Jasper to calm the sting in his eyes. Jasper asking why his sissy has to go? Just heartbroken & desperate. Why cant it just be simple. Why why why???