Friday, 7 June 2013

Beautiful boy*

i Love that my goodnight kisses tiggle ur ears. That u breathe ur little sleepy "love u more more". That u still cling to ur dummy on occasions and make my heart urge for that baby you to be asleep on my chest, sucking your dummy and sleeping heart to heart. People tell me u need to get rid of the dummy but tbh it's been such a pull for me to let go of. At Christmas u gave ur dummies to the 'baby elves', that was it, but I sometimes just give u one because I know it makes u really happy, they make u feel comfortable and safe and warm for sleep time and that little sucking sound is such a pull on my heart strings. I miss the baby you. It's been nearly three years of u being my sweet baby and then bam, u wake up talking sentences, pulling your sleeptime nappy off to use the big boy toilet, running faster than me and that's it, transition made, ur a boy. Not a toddler or a baby, a big boy, a grown up boy, u go to big boy school and wear big boy clothes. Not labelled by months but years. It's hard to grasp that my sweet angels birth day was all that time ago. I remember vividly so much about ur baby years, documented by videos and photos too but in my heart just so outstanding overwhelmingly happy memories. It shocks me how much love i feel with life, with the family we have. Created in a muddle of wrong turns and half not physically my own doing but mine to love all the same. We call ourselves 'The Harrisons' and one day i know we will be fully just that. The man I call baby daddy, dimple king will become hubby, Studley hubb...
My heart is displayed physically so often now as if the surge of bliss just consumes my body that I have to touch, kiss and hug my dears. I often do my best thinking lying with Jasper whilst he is asleep just stroking his back & feeling like electric warmth, inspiration and happiness is just radiating off him, sounds a bit too hippyish but I think most Mama's will get what I mean :):) It makes me need to hug him tightly, kiss his gorgeous head, his chin & his shut eyes. It gives me the urge to squeeze him awake just to have a quick exchange once more of I love you's. I just love him so overwhemingly.
 I am so grateful for what I have, the lovely life I can enjoy & cherish. This blog post by Lucy at 'Dear beautiful boy' made me cry it hit my heart so much. Its as if my words were picked out of my brain & filtered so lovingly to someones more poetic, articulate words & then I just agreed nodding & crying tears knowing I feel so happy too, so in love with the life I have. Ive infact been told to that my posts here must be fabricated or elaborated as surely I have much more niggles, stresses & upsets as a family, especially a split family. But this inspired me, I am truley insanely happy with my blessing in my given, created,chosen family & I am writing from the heart & choose to be happy, end of...Anyway here it is in all its inspiring glory** 


Choose to be happy, choose to be positive. 143**
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