Saturday, 28 September 2013

flashback friday** (posted late)

my adorable sleeping bear with a dummy that seems so huge at first & little did we realise the obsession he would have with it** a cute obsession mind! his soft, full hair, hes teeny hands, those biteable cheeks & button nose* luscious baby...

first activities with Darcey doo. At a local park they hold horse riding lessons each summer. Ducky said she wanted to have a go & Grampy to walk with her too, she did this so confidently & was so proud of herself. Her bond with my pops from the beginning was immense, he is a brilliant gramps to the cherubs & has always been so natural & loving with Darcey, he even got her name tattooed on his arm alongside Jasper's namesake tattoo. What a ledge :):) 

Friday, 27 September 2013

dino museum rocks!!

Its like the story ‘We’re going on a bear hunt* That was our motto we sung all the way there but changed bear to Dinosaur…yep we went to The History museum again in London. Spur of the moment adventure with my sissy in law Vicklaa too. Had such a great day & it was much less busy than previous visit as schools all back. We sauntered into the Dino display with no ques, were able to browse & take many pictures without heaps of people barging & getting in the shots. Jasper rode high on my shoulders to wave at the ‘real’ dinosaurs & marvel at the dinosaurs modelled on real dino ruins. They even have encased actual dinosaur bones rather than just the fossils. We saw a Ichtyosaur dinosaur skull found in 1811 in Dorset. Amazing to think dinosaurs roamed our own steps we take hehe. Jasper especially loves this idea & remembered from his last visit with Darcey that the mechanical dino is working & gets paid in food. He asked where he goes toilet though? That’s a tough one to fib about haha. He walked around the dino shop clutching this gorge dino teddy & how on earth I didn’t just buy it for him overwhelmed by cuteness I don’t know but it was far too expensive, Santa can get him one :):) We then headed for the creepy crawlies room & human body display. All very interesting & have lots of interacting games & buttons for toddly toots to press which Jasper confidently did. He really devoured all the knowledge we told him reading about each crawley & animal. He demanded me & Vicky read most words he saw & signs full of words became story books to him. He was so interested & inspired as his excitement shone through each bend & turn. We saw all about how a baby grows in the Human body area, this fascinated him & he asked why all babys had a willy (it was the umbilical cord haha!!) He showed us which child he was on the wall ranging from baby, toddler, child, teen & adult. So clever & just again so so interested in it all. Me & Vicky learnt a lot so the trip was so great for us too, it really is just such a brilliant museum. We were gutted when we saw the earthquake & volcano floor was under construction so we couldn’t simulate an earthquake but we will be back hehe. We then looked around the earth display; beginning to now. Very interesting, did you know fleece jumpers can be made from recycled water bottles!! The pics we got this time are fab. Just a brilliant trip with my lil monkey & gorge sis. So lucky to live so close to the museums of London <3<3<3 143

spoilt with wisdom

Id always imagined that as a mama I would enjoy all the child like activities & crafts that as a child I adored & was so often blessed with. Painting, reading, dressing up, walks up the downs, going to the park on my bike, dancing, singing, visiting new picnic spots, going to the beach every day in summer, picking blackberries & flowers for my mum, rounders & football with my fam...all these things i loved & wanted my children to enjoy & love too. Well we do them, and more. And to some that have commented, this is spoiling my angels. The only thing i can assume Im spoiling them with is a childhood to cherish, knowledge, nature & love. This past week me & studley have visitied the museum, been on a train, watched the trains from the bridge over top of them, gone to his amazing art class, been to the library for new books, been to the park, walked along the seafront & chucked stones, danced in H&M whilst shopping, went for coffee & babychino, went on a bus, watched the locals play Bowls at nannys park, bubba rode his scooter down some slopes, he had an autumn crinkly leaves fight with auntie bella, we met with friends & their children, we let of a party popper & watched it blow in the wind, we found a local area had been made into the 'Storm Garden' and knitted flowers hot air balloons & birds adorned the trees & knitted jumpers of all colours hugged the trees. All this on top of him being at school also. Most of the things we have done are FREE!! The only costs really being snacks & transport. So when people assume spoilt, they really do have no clue. The library is a free wonderland for my stud & just today he made a really sweet friend & sat for an hour reading books & playing on the computer with his new buddy. I chose new reading books for Ducky. No cost* We also visited the storm garden & took pictures. Yesterdays adventures were going through the gorgeous Beachhouse gardens right by us & watching the bowls tournament & smelling pretty flowers before they wilt away. Bella & Jaspey had a huge fight with the fallen autumn leaves & again I snapped away. Adventures, especially including nature & my local scenery are so easily found within children & if you expose them to it with patience & fun too you can enjoy these moments rather than walking straight past the cute old dears playing, or the crunchy leaves because your in a rush* Jaspers pace is slow, painfully slow on occassions but i dont want to rush him especially when his interest in all nature, the neenaws flashing past, the waves & the sounds they make crashing, its all a complete & wonderful set up for a child to learn, enjoy & cherish. Jasper & I only have two full days a week now that are Studley & mama days, in just a year this will be over. It breaks my heart completly so i intend to cherish every single second doing things myself & Jasper adore. My happiness is seeing my angels so interested & inspired by the lives we can give them, the excitement in the adventures we take & the easy things like reading new books & learning the alphabet through singing. Seeing Jasper & Darcey do things myself & my sissys & bros done as kids really makes me giggle, its just too wonderful...
Im so in love with new craft ideas i found on this wonderful blog too, this autumn bucket list is being made this weekend. Any suggestions you have for our bucket list this season please comment below :):) 143 x

newest fb pics

just an added note for today, when i woke to bubba smiling crawling in beside me in bed, i shut my eyes snuggled my gorgee stud & squeezed, Jasper kissed my cheek and said 'Mummy your beautiful, your my hero' best wake up ever xx

(oh & just one more thing Studley boo, you amaze me sweet boy. You are so friendly & kind, not only did you share your favourite toys & scooter with your lil buddy Corey today but you also shared so openly & easily with ur library bud, your such a nice boy & it really makes me proud & so in awe of your character everyday. You are such an easily happy, confident, adventurous lovely lovely boo. I love you angel. )


Thursday, 19 September 2013

milk drunk*

I recently read a great post by another lovely blogger about weaning herself off breastfeeding her son who has become uninterested in her milk after nearly a year. She was sad to loose the soft, precious moments of breast feeding & it made me think of the very few moments I was able to feed Jasper. It makes me proud now that my body gave him the best start but still sad to be honest that I couldnt physically breast feed longer, my body to traumered by my birth kind of gave up on that to get my health better according to Dr & midwife & i felt cheated again, bad birth & then this, I was truly gutted. I so enjoyed my amazing, bonding time with Jasper that breastfeeding gave me. When people hogged his cuddles for too long it was a great excuse to get him back into my arms & when in the tiny hours it was me & him, such silence & such a bond, just so greedy for that time together, him for his feed & me for the skin to skin. I remeber the night we were home from the hospital feeding in the night & Jasper woke Gary because as he was feeding he done the most combustable pop, followed by poop haha, it was expolsive & the sound woke Gary which was just insane & so funny it still has me giggling now, I still think to this day Gary thinks it was actually me it was so loud hehe. I found a few pics of my lil milk drunk newborn & these make me so proud as I know his silly, happy face is because my body nutured him for those first few days. I have to at least take pride in those days not weeks or months of breast feeding my stud :) 143

wot a mess*

So today has just been such an incredible, fun day with my darling studley. Its raining & windy. Cold & grey but we had sunshine in our hearts* We went to 'Wot a mess' art group this morning. Its true to its title & the kids have a theme each week to play along to. Today was Emergency. The group leader reads a story & then the bubbas are unleashed to play in the amazing array of messy zones. Today there was tricycles to ride through paint puddles, car garage with foam & paint on the slopes & lifts, snow ploughs to dig up fake snow, car tunnels & slopes, water boats rescueing others & ambulance cut outs to paint. Jaspers absolute dream. He had such an amazing time & I took so many pictures in an hour. He is just so awesome to watch, interacting with the leader & children, getting stupidly messy & silly & he done the most wonderful painting with heaps of red hand prints & tyre marks from riding over the paper with a bike. He is so very proud of this & to show daddy later. It was so nice to see him confidently speaking with the leader to ask for more green paint (his favourite colour for sure right now) & help roll out new paper tracks for the bikes. I sat aside for a lot of it just watching him, letting him explore himself & see his confidence grow each minute that ticked over. He has become so shy of occassion & so its wonderful really to see him forced into social situations that he doesnt get sad, he just gets a little nervous & then speaks his mind. Perfect boy, im so proud of him. It was such a brilliant group & amazingly inspiring seing Jasper so involved. We then went into town for babychinos & lunch. Being honest, on most occasions that me & Jasper have a coffee date I get someone telling me how beautiful he is & what a lovely boy he is, so well behaved. Today we had 4 people tell us how perfect & just stunning his character is. Im so very proud that people see this too, im not just biased. Strangers feel the need to come to me after their own coffee & say they have watched him & he is just so beautifuly natured & sweet. Just amazing. And to top it off we went shopping for some new winter clothes & wellies, I really take such pleasure in buying things for this lil stud hes just too cute tring on little tops. He picked out a spiderman & hulk top, green trousers & some Fireman Sam welly boots, he liked the colourful boots better than the black Spiderman ones which made me happy, I love seeing him in lovely colourful outfits. He has new bottoms for big play school & some comfty hoodys. He has been so fun, excitable & happy today & that is the beauty of having children. Living each day with laughter, overwhelming combusting love & adventures galore, even on such a simple day. All my heart is for my little dude today <3<3 143 baby boo xxx


Tuesday, 17 September 2013

'Ordinary moment'

This is a seriously beautiful pic I took of my stud. The smile is just enchanting. Gosh i love those dimples so much. He was lying on the floor beneath me after I photographed his doodle shoe tan lines that are in the shape of hearts (kind of). He was in his dressing gown only just eating breakfast & its still around his chops. He still has sleep in his eyes & his morning skin is all dribble sticky & has the most amazing sleepy smell. He was singing a made up song about all the Marvel superheroes, hes obsessed. Listening to his cute, high pitched voice & giggles is just a dream. Our ordinary moment, in our dressing gowns, being silly & goofy & me taking pics of the fun!!

asked to guest post*

So proud of this. I was asked to guest post on this wondeful blog 'Sand in my toes' by a friend, twitter/bloggy follower Tarana Khan. She writes her own greta blogs about her own son & their life in Dubai & it was such an honour to be asked to write something for her feature posts 'A day like today.' I wrote about Jasper & Darcey meeting for the first time. Here it is :):)

Friday, 13 September 2013

being a step mummy, what it really means to me...

So quite often as a step mama i get naive, ignorant comments about my relationship with Darcey. She is not my daughter, i was not there almost six years ago to even know she was born to this world & celebrate. I met her when she was almost two after six months of getting to know her daddy & applied myself to a whole new world when I began living with Gary. This to me was intuition, its what nature did to me, its what my heart instigated & its what I feel was best for myself, the family myself & Gary created with Darcey as a three & then as a four when our son was born. I dont feel the need ever to have to explain myself but after a quite offensive comment on this blog I decided I would just write it all down & then if you still have objections then maybe thats your ignorance & not my actions that afflict you. 
From the beginning Darcey was a very easy child to love. She intimidated me & made me nervous for sure but she was such a darling, chubby lil girly with such a giggle & an immense relationship with her pops that made me love him so much more & overwhelmed my heart with knowing this was right. After failed love & heartache this was so good for me. We had picnic, park days & lunches out. We watched cbeebies & In the night garden & I made her spaghetti & sausage & mash. She was far too often fed chicken nuggets by her bad cook dadda haha**I brought her clothes, sweets & bubbles, puzzles & books. I absolutely adored her & so did my family. I felt very blessed to be able to enjoy this sweet little darling in my life & sought advetures each weekend with her. It was easy, she was so so easy to love & admire. But the heartbreak was to come when her mum didnt agree with our new found friendship & so tougher times came & strained us but through it all, and it really was alot, we remained tight. We stayed Rara & ducky & I chose to keep loving her even though the relationship was paining me so bad. I was desperate for this adorable, innocent little girl to not know harm, heartache or hate. I was persistent in building a childhood she could revel in, a home she could be safe & secure in & arms she could run in to hold her & make her feel happy & comfortable regardless of the fact that I was not her mummy. I was not trying to steal an affection of a child that was not mine, I was building our own relationship because that was needed what with me being so in love with her daddy. I understood that this was a hard time for her mum to adjust to, but I will not detail that in this post as I wont ever speak ill of her mummy, that’s not kind or fair regardless of what was put out all that time ago. We actually have a considerate & easy relationship now & she has been able to consider me a good friend to Darcey. I have never recieved anger from Darcey about being forced into her life, Ive never seen her upset by my presence, if that had been the case I would have backed off along time ago. I have never had such an affirmation since so strong that highlighted how important I was to Ducky when she sat at my feet crying saying she so wanted to love me too but she was unsure if she was allowed too, she was desperatly sad she would loose my affections after she had spent a few visits being so cruel to me & her newborn brother. Whatever was in her head, she was protesting it, she spoke the words & I followed. As she so bluntly put it, she chose to love me right back. I understood this clearer through every action each visit when she was so soft & kind to her brother, so intensly comforted by my hugs & blanket snuggles & would spring in to my arms when I greeted her at the door. To this day she still leaps into my arms, not a gentle leap, a huge I missed u lunge & squeeze on each meeting. I love this lil girl like you couldnt believe. She is such a sweetheart, she holds my hand & is now as tall as my chest. She has stregth with her words like nothing else when she shouts love you Cara from her top bunk at night. The way she snuggles herself into me so so close when Im reading to her. She is just such a blessing to me, an even bigger blessing because it was not mine to cherish...but now it is and i do just that, cherish every little freckle on her face, every little cute mole on her body & every stinky fart she lets out on my lap haha. She is just simply amazing to me. That is why I can never understand the hate of a handful of people that have expressed that I am too involved with Darcey & love her too much (I didn’t realise there was a quota to love a child). Ive been told I should concentrate on my own son & leave Darcey to have a relationship with her father. All of which happens on a daily basis alongside loving Darcey ‘too’ much. Darcey has an incredible relationship with her daddy, she has an incredible relationship with us all & that’s because we all love her equally, stupidly & overwhelmingly. Just like any child needs. She has siblings on both her mums side & our side & is a great big sister to them all. She has a darling brother sister bond with Jasper but yes as children they fight, they hide toys from each other, they want the red apple the other has when they have a green, stupid kid things…I didn’t document anything harshly when talking of harder times with Darcey & the situation we found ourselves in in early years of our family set up. It was all truth. And true is all I can be. So true in loving this little angel for all her beauty, innocence, giggles & tantrums. I am excelling at this step mama thing & I can proudly admit that. I love a child that I didn’t create, I didn’t have to love her, accept her, be kind to her. But I chose to. Now I just know in my own self, the calm I have with her, its all good, its right for us. And its right for certain for Darcey. She doesn’t have to be upset by leaving her home to go back to her other home, she has the best of both at both houses and that is what is magical about the now. As parents to Darcey we are all working together to make her secure & happy with her set up. Yes she still gets upset that Jasper gets to live with daddy always just as much as she gets sad her siblings don’t get to come with her when she visits. She is very clear in her adoration for all her immediate family members & as her step mummy that makes me so happy. She is very blessed & so please don’t be naive & think otherwise. 143**

summer fun

So the summer holidays happened. I havent been on here much to blog as have had such adventures & a busy 6 weeks with my little darlings. We were lucky to spend alot of time with Darcey here over the summer too & so I was pretty exhausted most evenings to post about our fun. It was so lovely spending everyday with my little Jasper as his pre school shuts for half term too. I recently read a post by a lovely mama I follow                                     ( ) that had me giggling but wow its so true, Jasper went back to pre school for a whole day & even though I worked the morning I had a couple of hrs to kill & man I missed him. I had a niggle in my belly all day wondering how Ducky was getting on at her first day back in yr1 too! Big girly so grown up. Just so strange knowing that routine had come back & a routine i guess that is quite hard to bare. Going back to scheduled time with Darcey is definatly the hardest but also now Jasper is 3 he has 15 hours free school hours. So he is at pre school a little longer Tuesday mornings & going for 2.5hrs on a Monday too plus his full day wednesday. This has not started yet as he has been poorly all this week so off everyday but I know it is a hurdle that is getting me ready for him going to school next year!! (too soon too soon). I also get pretty overwhelmed & anxious when I remember in just one month I will be picking out the school that will be his first venture into big boy things. Learning, schedule, friends galore, afterschool clubs...all very exciting but so so scary too. Im not ready for him to be away five days a week for six whole hours a day. Its too sad...

Anyhow Summer 13' :) We have had such wonderful weather & a lot of sunny beach days. Nice outdoors activities & lots on around Worthing & Sussex to enjoy. The pictures in my album I posted previously basically detail the whole summer. Just such great times with my bubbis. Meeting with friends in parks, Jasper playing & sharing his toys with his friends, swimming in the sea, walking on the pier (which is a HUGE deal for me as was so phobic of piers & bridges, well kind of still am), swimming in the great new pool at Splashpoint, new parks, picnics, Brighton pier, Brighton big wheel, double decker bus rides, Daddy getting time off :):) finding new parks, visiting museums, adventures in London, Jaspers doodle feet tan lines ;) Darceys hair gettin blonder. Just magical awesome times...

summertime living is easy**