my tears are of pride, of overwhelming, combustable love, of upset, fears of lonliness & fears for my sweet natured, loving boy. They flow too easily when I think of my little man going to school, in full uniform, backpack bigger than he, in just over two weeks time. Full time in three. I have read posts from other mothers of school starters, nodding & teary. Im so excited for him but consumed by my own lack of identity without him here for the best part of the day. I have fears for him as his heart is huge & children can be so mean. Witnessing a few times at activities his upset of being pushed or shoved for a toy, an item snatched or thrown, making my heart break & Jaspers chin wobble with upset. I cant bare to think that if he was to fall, who would console him? If they would console him? I have such fond memories of my schooling so I encourage this independance for Jaspey absolutely but Im so not ready to let him go. Im not. I have winced at other mums comments of how they have hated the holidays & cant wait for term to start so their children are out from under their feet. Its just so crazy to me. I am literally going to start planning October half term now haha. With confidence I know my bubb is going to so love school. He's already in love with his very pretty teacher haha. But its with such a heavy heart I encourage his learning. Im going to miss him too much xx too too much 143
Wednesday, 20 August 2014
Today was incredible. Chores were still finished & errands run but within the busyness was heaps of belly laughter, imaginative play at its funniest, american accents, messy play, art, craft, puzzles, learning books, hallway maze & two insanely happy cherubs. They woke up so excited for playtime, Ducky then having to leave for a dance recital with her mum, then back again to the string maze looped & crossing the hallway. They played Transformers within this zone & made me giggle with their accents following the movie dialogue. Whilst i set up their messy play station they drew & coloured with water colour pencils, painting water on their creations with glee & amazement at the spread of colour. All the while they chatted so easily, no competition, no wars. They have been the best of friends all day everyday since Saturday, appreciating their time together is so very precious. They have made me so proud in their beauty & love for one another today. They played so well, Ducky teaching Studley new words & ways of play. She encouraged his eating at dinner after he started to lull after the busy day. The way she speaks to him is stunning. All sympathetic to his youth that she understands. He wants to be as strong & fast as her, but she explains her years on him & eases his upsets. God i just love these amazing cherubs so very very muchly.
Messy play in the garden was sticky, fun & yummy* Icecream, jelly, choc mint balls & marshmallows. Incredible. I am so very blessed. I hope these sweet angels feel the same too. We as a together family are just what dreams are made of* Im so proud for that xx 143
So i love blogging all our incredible happy times & adding photos into the post to build the scene. I love blogging...but summer holidays has suckered all my free time & Im rarely on here which bugs me but I guess realistically once Jasper is in school & the adventures slow down to just weekend so will my posts. I still cannot mention school without an instant lump in my throat & a quickening pulse. Im not scared for Jasper, I wrote of this in a recent post. But I am so overwhelmingly sensitive to not being ready myself for this, for missing him, for feeling lonely & out of place as my role for the past four years has been Jaspers mama full time, always. Busy, demanding & his everything before my own has been such a schedule & healthy habit to me. It wont change dramatically other than I will have too much time at first to truly, achingly miss him. I bought all his school clothing last week & seeing him proudly pose in it & turn into this giggly, hyper handsome stud just consumed me. His beauty soulfully & visually, mentally & verbally is all consuming to be honest. He is so incredible, he has been such a delight to parent for this many years. I still am confused as to how we got here so quickly but hey, here we are & I will be fine, he will be super & all will be well :):)
Tuesday, 5 August 2014
Jaspers birthday week was so perfect. His actual birthday we were able to have Darcey stay & so i took them both to their favourites in London. Science & History museum. They just cannot get enough of the Science museum play areas & Ducky was so interested in all the displays this time round. Asking me to explain what certain attractions were that she was intriqued by. She especially loved the mineral & jewel collections in the History museum. Such a magpie like me :):) Jasper was so spoilt with gifts & love from the Sunday before his birthday right through to this weekend. Lucky boy has so many that adore him & want to give to him & make him smile. I love that* I love their love for him. Evem my twinnys mum in law got him gifts. Just so sweet*
My mummys gift to me & Jasper for our birthdays was show tickets to see the Lion King in Southampton with my sissys & herself included. It was such a brilliant amazing day* I have seen the show in London before twice so knew what to expect & was super excited to see Jaspers face when the animals walked alongside him down the aisles to the stage. I was in tears straight away (lump in throat now too haha) as the Circle of Life rang in our ears as these amazing crafted animals walked by. Jaspers face was incredible, lit up, in awe & beaming. I found it hard to compose myself remembering the time Id sat watching this show with my nanny, my awesome beautiful nanny far away. Circle of life lyrics ringing so true & stabbing my heart with love & heartache all at once. The emotions these shows provoke are so intense & powerful. Jasper laughed at Timone & Pumba & was a tad scared of Scar. He danced happily to Hakuna Matata, he got so into it & was jigging on my lap most of the show. He sat so well & entertained for almost three hours. Such a beaut boy** Truly loved his first show & now he wants to see Charlie & the chocolate factory so maybe Christmas idea :):) 143