Saturday, 30 May 2015

this day i love*

It is Jaspeys last half term before the end of school year just now & although we have had a few easy chilled days we also had the greatest adventure, one of the best to date. We were due to be heading to London for the Alice in Wonderland exhibition at the M.o.C & to visit the H.M.S Belfast museum with my auntie Juli but a rail strike made us alter plans. She instead suggested her favourite holiday spots to picnic & tour for the day in the New Forest with my nan joining us too. And it was INCREDIBLE!! One of the spots in Brockenhurst was where we had been last summer for a short break with my mum & dad & the wild ponies roam whilst you picnic. We played bat & ball, chase & ate heaps before heading for the three bridges walk that Juli knows well. It was just insane amazing. Tall trees shading the most beautiful river with Shetland ponies in the distance. The kids climbed a huge fallen tree & hurried over the bridge with my aunt playing the troll from Billy Goats gruff. We had her pooch Merlin with us & he was in the water straight away & no surprise my spirited cherubs followed him in. Waist deep in an instant running wild & free in this amazing space that was so energised & beautiful. I am such a tree hugger, I love nature & am so energised by the outdoors & random wild adventures. This was me in my element too. We found awesome dens built & the cherubs ran through crunchy leaves until we came to the next bridge which was wonderfully framed by sunshine beaming through the opening to more vast fields. There was families laughing & resting. But not overly crowded. It was just the most picturesc idealic location. And to top off the happiness we all felt, the stream was lined with fantastic huge strong trees that had rope swings hanging off them. Four in total but the biggest one was the best. It swung out over the water & was so expertly tied. It swung out so fluidly & both bubbas were not even close to being afraid to get on straight away. They trusted each other immeasurably, helping the other push off & swing high. Then me & Juju had a go. Best moment ever...haha. Reliving childhood memories is my soul food. Being silly, care free & fun, happy & spontaneous. It just felt so good. We collected sticks for a pooh stick race on the bridge, Jasper chucking a great log as his losing branch haha. Horses being ridden crossed the bridge whilst my babies in the water looked on adoringly. This place has my heart now. Its one of OUR spots. My children for sure will remember this trip. It was too immense not to. After our walk we got in the car & had a lil detour to see my nan & Juli's holiday cottage which was set in such beautiful grounds & had the most unusual gate house that was also used as accommodation which I really loved. Just so so pretty* Then we drove to Lefe Beach. It was just stunning. Warm weather & shoes straight off (mine getting left on the sand, I was just so enjoying walking the ground bare & free I forgot to collect them off the beach when we left.) It was directly opposite the Isle of Wight & was just again so scenic & a beautiful location. There was a park & green with view points across where you could see the Spinaker tower in Portsmouth & the edging of Bournemouth beach the other way. The park apparatus was actually really different & fun & Im still aching after trying to be 'cool mama' & hanging upside down on the bars & doing the tightrope! The journey home was cosey & cuddly with my two holding my hand & talking of their favourite part of the day. It was just such a positive, happy day & Im so very grateful for time with my awesome auntie & nanny. The cherubs just adore their great nanny & of course they adore great auntie Juju. She is silly, playful & so so funny & we all just love her entirely for her bonkers ways!!! We are so spoilt with love & adventure from our crazy duo. Perfect perfect day & perfect start of the summer warm weather. More of that now please :):) my toes really loved it haha!! 143

oh & forgot to mention. I fell in love with like ten homes & so many of them were adorned with Wisteria. I have never seen so much of my most favourite flower. I just adore the beauty of all the cottages & the showcase garden & florals*

Thursday, 28 May 2015

macaroni love heart

Update: Sweet cherub Liana Amber is here. The dinkiest most beautiful lil angel arrived safely after a natural birth with little intervention yesterday morning & she weighs 4pd 8oz which is really great for her early arrival. She is super strong & just so wonderfully identical to her beaut mama its gorgeous. We are unable to visit her as unfortunately she has been transferred to the Trevor Mann Neo natal unit in Brighton Hospital as she has a blockage between her stomach & her intestines which will need surgery to take care of. We are all keeping her in the light & sending so much love & am sure she will be rosey by weeks end. Drs are not worried for her & her lungs are strong, she has a feisty spirit already & has already had cuddles, wash & nappy change from mummy so she is doing good despite this. I am so in love with her amazing little face & features. She is so tiny with little folds of skin wrinkled into more wrinkles. She has the same bronzed skin tone as her mama & these luscious big lips, the top one bigger than the bottom. Just the prettiest little thing. Im so excited to meet her & adore her. Telling Jasper & Darcey was incredible, they were so in awe. My sister spoke to Jasper & he just kept saying her name. He is also truly excited that his school friend Lucas is now officially his cousin to him. Because they share the same uncle, auntie & cousin they are now best friends and family (I guess it means they are 2nd cousins) either way he is just so embracing his family & his acceptance & love for them is immense. Being so spoilt for so long hasnt affected him, he is just so excited for relationships with these sweet babies. His cousin Reggie is gonna be his besty & they are so going to protect together their little sweet princess Liana. Ducky really has never been girly with dollys & dress up so Im sure they will all giggle at Liana in her tutus & pink adorable dresses. The way Jasper says her name is just so cute too, he says it like he is so much older & speaking wise words. Its just adorable. Liana has been so longed for after my sister Jo & her husband Dave had to seek help for infertility. Its been such a struggle for them for many years to see their friends becoming families, for becoming an auntie & uncle before they were parents themselves. Its been harder than any of us will ever know & even though my darling sister is superwoman at times, resilient, strong, proud & determined, the pain also was always there. I also just need to give a shout out to to her super strength during labour. She went almost the entire time with no pain relief & only at the end stages had gas & air. My sister is a tiny 4ft 11" & visually not a hulk with iron strength so huge kudos to you amazing sissy. Again being told Liana was breach she was facing the prospect of a caesarean but powered through for the birth story she desired. She made it happen, she was a warrior & Im just so so proud of her. Im itching for an update to see how Liana is doing. I will leave you with this amazingly adorable picture of her. My sweet miracle niece, 
Liana Amber. I LOVE YOU***

BEGIN HERE: As I write this my sister is in labour. It is too soon at only 34 weeks pregnant but she is doing well. Macaroni my sweet angel darling niece is doing well and that's all that is needed for now. The rest will fall in to place. I'm excited to meet this little angel & praise my older sissy for all she did right even when this pregnancy & journey threw so much at her & her husband. After many long years & two icsi trials macaroni finally chose her mama. My sister has longed for a baby since we were little, being our second mama even though there is only 14 months between us. She is the absolute stereotype of perfect sweetheart mummy. Her nature is to be motherly and warm to all & I know seeing her with a child is going to absolutely burst my heart open. My brother in law has always been such a fun, energetic clown to my cherubs. Always ready to play wrestling & chase & always the instigator of mischief haha, so lil princess is going to be so entertained & happy. The joy she has brought already is astounding so I cannot begin to explain how excited i am to be auntie to this little one. "And though she be but little, she is fierce. " this could not ring more true. We always knew really this sweet one was going to shine early. She didn't have a lot of room in her mama's belly from the get go & I know she's as desperate to meet her mama & daddy as they are her. The emotions I'm struggling to contain are 3am thinking about this union are overwhelming.  I will wake up in a few hours to the news of her arrival.  She will be oh so real to the world.  She will have a name & I can count her toes & see if I was right about her hair colour. I'm so incredibly emotional. I know she is going to be such a cherished beautiful spoilt angel born to such a wonderful couple who will now be a family. It's just so so incredible.  My mum & dad will be grampy & nanna to four. Jasper & Darcey will again have a newborn to coo over & boy do they do that good. They are so so sweet & gentle with sweet Reggie pie* it's just so exciting to see our family grow. And to think that just last week she was kicking my hand from the womb. Strong kicks & high fives which were more an insistence of being left to sleep than a welcome greeting of love hehe. 

Macaroni, sweet baby girl, you are so loved. There are just no words that do this justice. You are so cherished already & I cannot wait to give my all to you. I'm the auntie that's not as cool, but will always have ice lollys in the freezer & caring wise words. I'm not as funny but I'm goof ball all the same so you can just laugh at me not with me. I can imagine your face down to the tiny wrinkles & milk spots. Im lying awake thinking of your beauty & love that even you don't know you possess yet. You have already given us so much I cannot wait to love you so right. All my light & heart is with you and mummy right now angel. I love you Macaroni. So very very much. 143. 

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Pickle schnickle pudding pie*

My stud Jaspey boo is nearing five years. This is just insane. How the hell did we get here so quickly? Being in the school routine now has accelerated the speed in which whole months pass by so freely. I just cant believe we have had fifty seven passed on the calenders hung. I remember everything, little details & all the consuming emotions from newborn to now. Photos prompt these memories, lil ways he says stuff in his old toddler like voice, memories drift in from old songs playing that we have danced to. I could while away an evening looking through my old picture albums on the laptop. Triggering palpitations with every scene displayed in the photographs. He is so vibrant & energised in every shot, even the silly blurred ones have such soul beaming from them. I am a picture hoarder, I snap away most days at any sight that inspires me. This week it was his ever multiplying freckles & moles sprinkling his nose & chubby cheeks. He has such an infectious way, his character is sunshine & light in every mood. His happiness is just incredible & he is so amazingly caring & open with his love. He confidently tells me over & over how much he loves me, how handsome I am & asks me how my day was after I ask after his. He has recently learnt what 'ditto' means so is often asking me to tell him that thing...that thing being "I love you" just so he can shout ditto!! He kisses my hand holding his on the way to & from school, he positively glows when he is greeted by me from his nights sleep & at the door at home time from school. Those dimples deepen further for daddy & Ducky when they come home. 
He is massively 'addicted' to his & Duckys newest Lego Superheroes game on the Xbox. He cant do alot from what I gather but he loves getting enough coins to win new heroes. Playing alongside Daddy & sissy for a short while is such an excitement of his. I see his overwhelming enthusiasm for this game & at first felt a threat but he is still so attached to his toys, his teddys & messy play, he isnt on it for hours a day so I will forgive this obsession for it makes him so darn happy. He still loves cars & bikes & has quite the collection of ride on vehicles now thanks to his Uncle Mike & Grampy. He is so in love with all the super heroes of Marvel, learning new characters & his favourite at the moment is Juggernaut. He also is interested in Heman & Shera. He loves to scoot to school & take his remote control car the the beach. He loves playtime. Still loves messy play* His o.o.t.d is always his skeleton tracksuit that is just perfection on this kid. And this weeks newest addition, his poundland fakey crocs, with socks. Worn as soon as he gets in from school as they assist his play & make him stronger apparently! This past Saturday morning (which is what prompted this update strangely), Jasper was snoozing in bed with me, reading his book & tiggling me to get up. He has the softest warm skin in the mornings & sleeps pyjama-less so hugs & tushy bites detour my get up & go. But anyhow, he jumps up, fist pumps the air & then in a superman flying pose heads for the bathroom declaring "Mama, im going for a poo!" With just such gusto energy & oomph. Even just going to the bathroom is a moment for this bubb, a good moment, a fun silly laughable while in his little life. I just bloody love that energy, that positivity. This hilarious remarkable dude who I am so blessed to be Mama to. Who has no idea how relevant he is to my heart ticking over. Or maybe he does but hes so casual about it if so :) 
My words are just not supporting what I am trying to explain, Im not a poet & my hearts emotions just aren’t definable in my poor grammar. I however saw this quote by Nicole Johnson that moved me so, conveys a little as to how hugely blessed I feel to of been given ownership on parenting this sweet adventureheart. It's not always clear we take the right paths, sometimes it feels like we have invested so much & lost ourselves. But so long as I am loving this one so right, he could be my cathedral. My studley boy, Jasper Casey. 143*

hiM & heR

Hes obsessed with lego, marvel lego, chima, ninjago. Well any kind really* (and his computer game!) He sings in tune & has the sweetest little voice. Hes gotten really goofy. You know like when little boys just act silly & raar & jump alot! The cutest geeky moments** His best friendship group is changing but hes not fazed & has new ones in mind. He has a list of potential best mates haha!! He loves his after school club Beefit, the parachute & trampoline are his favourites. He can sign quite a lot of words & enjoys learning more, well done Daddy :) He pulls those silly faces using hands & giggles ferociously when caught. His reading is out of this world incredible #proudmama. He brings home folded up papers with the sweetest notes & pictures scribbled. He is writing sentences in his own way & spelling most how it is said. Most recent one was his 'Krismas' list for later this year!! (haha) He is very active & literally has abs! He loves doing handstands & rolley pollies. He likes cutting paper up & drawing Darcey pictures. Is wanting to help a lot in the kitchen with cooking or serving dinner & is madly in love with chilli wraps & tomatoes just now.
Slightly obsessed again with water beads, slushies & stencilling his hand*

She is wholey becoming a sport fanatic. She loves collecting her match attax cards, seeing if she got a Manchester United shiney. Desperately wants her own football kit & shoes & is doing incredible in her boxing lessons. She is as fast as a cheetah running & loves seeing Nannas horses for a short ride bare back* She loves being in huge open space so on the downs, at a National trust park or at the beach is her most happiest* She is so attached to her teddies & has her favourites that are her cuddle buddies at night. She still likes to have help washing, brushing her teeth & getting dressed. Its not lazy, she just likes to feel looked after. Shes still struggling with her own likes toy wise so is mainly into whatever Jasper is although it differs in  her favourite Lego character, it still seems to be Ironman or Venom. She likes to see photos I have taken of her now but it still painfully shy of having her photo taken. But if I flipagram her a set she is beaming* She loves bowling & is dam good at it! And playing keep me up with balloons. She was so excited to have matching shoes with Jasper & is really into learning about space & the milky way. Asks often to go to London again. Is struggling to show softer emotions recently & is having a tough time but still glimmers with her silly humour* Loves to take the mickey out of accents & hand gestures we all do*

143 cutie tuttis

Nanny Faraway*

Its late at night now, the day has passed by easy but once i was alone & midnight approached my resolve dropped & the pain of another year gone without my dear nanny has me so sad & the ache thats buried so tightly becomes over bearing & a real acute pain in my whole body. I will never be rid of this feeling when Im most vulnerable & the image of her blonde hair, soft bronzed skin in my most favourite dress she wore pops in my brain. My mind is numb but so wired with memories. My mamas poem 'The Lighthouse' echoes & my heart is thumping with remembering the day you had to leave. The tears are the messy kind* It doesnt get easier. I wish I could say Ive grown stronger to the hurt & absolute devastating heartache I feel when I truly let myself remember you. I tell Jasper about all you did as my Nanny, his beautiful great nanny. We walk past your home, living two minutes away & having Jaspers school friends living scattered around it is a curse & a blessing. Its a comfort to live so close to somewhere so special but nearing the 'Lighthouse' I get such anxious pangs of upset I have to swiftly push down. That home, it holds the greatest most incredible stories, playtime, love & feeling of family. Jasper goes to the same school you sent his Nanna. That too is so lovely, knowing you walked the same school route as I do. I walk those paths with my foot steps in yours & that to me is magic. I really should talk of you more, without tears, without the ginormous lump in my throat. I hope you are as proud of me as you were when I performed ballet recitals, had a successful school photo day, when I overcame some tricky teenage years & when I graduated college. I will always remember you shouting out, still so elegant but almighty proud when my name was called to collect my scroll. You were just beaming & that feeling is bottled within my soul. But thats honestly how I felt every time I saw my incredible Nanny Light. Joan Gladys Light. The most beautiful, adoring, lovable, sweet nan ever known. Truly so beautiful inside & out. An angel who blessed us with many years of immense happiness & love. Every occasion, holiday & visit heaped with perfection. The buffets made at last minute, the phone calls from the box outside on Sugden Road, that dress, playing North, South, East, West in your kitchen, the wooden swing chair, the blossoming flowers, the Laura Ashley stairway carpet, greensleaves playing in the trinket on your vanity, the shopping trips with Grampy in the car; rewarded with a McDonalds & strawberry milkshake & that dance, the last dance etched in my memory that is more powerful than any love song beating to my hearts rhythm. You are my most favourite memory. The most beautiful radiant sunshine in my life that left such a huge presence, such a legacy of family & love. My aspirations as a woman, mother, auntie & eventually Nanna are modelled on you* I miss you always & I know you know. I wish you could embarrass me once more, yodelling to get a cashiers attention, telling me no when I wanted a black velvet crop top & holding my hand through town when I was too young to realise Id never want to let go. My heart is yours. Forever & a day* Love & light. 143*