Friday, 30 January 2015

Home stretch*

This fire has aggravated such strong sad emotions for me. Ive lost myself for a bit here. The Sadness is overwhelming.  Fear & feeling vulnerable with questions interrupting happiness. Just overwhelming negatives have drained us. We are strong but weak. Living but not. We are struggling to come to terms with this. I know it seems so dramatic and writing this myself I am a tad struck with how deep I feel. I haven't written.  I haven't vented with any articulate reasoning. I don't know how to express how anxious I have felt. People say "Thank god you are alive and well." Of course I cling to this.  But I'm fragile and angry to be truthful. It was an accident.  A negligent accident that so nearly cost us. The frustration that the person who caused this has been so astonishingly un-remorseful is huge. Gary has been incredible.  He has still worked full time but he has kept us above water, he has kept spirits high, he has taken on new roles and provided so much & I see him to be a hero quite frankly.  He is working so hard on redecorating our home. All the items we did keep he has cleaned & he has worked tirelessly to get us a fair settlement to ease the financial worry of these few months and the burden of living away from our home and now having to start again. I'm so very lucky that family and friends have gifted us with new items for our home. We have been left with such a rushed ending to very confusing two months of living in hotels. They gave us a time frame that was impossible. Two days to clean and refurbish our home. It took one of these to handle the kitchen that was most damaged. The emotional cracks displayed as we entered our home again after so long.  Chucking out items that had been stained due to such a large time frame of being left soot covered.  I'm angry.  That makes me frustrated. The injustice boiling away in my core.  Gary being the therapy I need. He has been my absolute heartbeat. I'm not afraid to say I am weak. I'm far too sensitive and this has made me an intense worrier. He has such patience with me. Such a beautiful soul this king♡ We are on the home stretch but still holding such complicated stresses. I cannot wait to be back in but will it ever feel like my comfortable home again.  Living above the person that created this craziness is going to be testing!  Especially after the call she left me with before Christmas. We will see i guess. This is just an update and I'm going to absolutely get back full force into blogging of happiness and light that fills our family now. We are the strongest little unit, more so maybe because of this. That I will take from this awful nightmare. That and how generously loving even just with words people have been. I thank you, I know you'll be reading this so you know it's for u darlings.  Love and light ♡♡

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