Wednesday, 10 April 2013

this perfect life*

Oh it so annoys me I havent made more time this month & last to blog. I have so much to say & need a dictaphone some days to get all my fluttering thoughts out. We have had some lovely family weekends again to document & gush over. Also just special days with my little studley being the luckiest mama alive to spend so much quality time with my baby boo. Gonna dedicate a post to daddy this month as just so need to express in my heart how amazing he is, not just to my bubbas, he is the most amazing hubbs to me, friend & family man. Im so damn lucky I really am. Perfect most loving heart smiles for my beautiful family.

We have had an amazingly chilled day today, me, boo & our invisible doggy Monty (named by me, made up by Jasper!!) He is such a giggle. I am trying hard to make sure each day has a educational game, art or craft experience for boo. He just seems to know so much already & obviously learns so much from pre-school & other people. Today we have learnt the simplest things really do make us happy. I taught him to roll his tounge!! He can now fully draw a triangle himself & is working on diamonds. He can identify 1-3 as numbers & 26 haha. He knows all his colours but gets stuck on grey, but today he showed me his grey helicopter & said my top is grey (it is). We had a lovely evening reading all the books him & Darcey chose from the library & one story was actually so fun & imaginative it had us both in giggles & then we played out the story as a game. The book is  'Mungo & the spiders from space' by Timothy Knapman. He also loved the story about the gorilla called Gary. Darcey chose this as knowing her daddy doo is called Gary haha. We had six blissful days just gone with our beautiful angel here as its easter half term at school & hubbs got time off so we could have some quality fam time. Oh it was just awesome, so much fun & actually we just revelled in such relaxing slow days & we just had no expectation of each day. We just did what we fancied that day & what the kids wanted to do. They have lovely toys at home & as its still typical English weather outside we were happy to spend some nice days at home reading books, painting & crafting. Hubbs made some unbelieavble imaginitive play games for the bubbas & literally made an army squad in each corner of their room using all Jaspeys neenaws & helicopters, Darceys doll house made by Grampy & all the little men & woman figures in the house, hundreds haha. He put so much thought into it & really taught Jasper how to play nicely & to share & team up with Darcey to make fun & creative games. He is just a superb daddy & so wonderful in his love for his children. He is so very patient & happy on his knees playing like a five year old with them. I must admit I find this type of play quite tedious & cant always get myself to snap out of practical mummy mode. I love the more adventure side of fun we have but of course still play. Jaspeys fave game at the mo is just walking up to me with every item in his room saying "Hello my names ....!" I introduce myself & he's on to the next toy haha. I love doing crafts & we do colouring, painting, decorating, sticking, magazines or doodles every day. Jasper is really enthusiastic just now for drawing numbers & letters that i have written down on paper in dots for him to trace & connect. He goes so slowly & gently with the pen ( he loves colouring, drawing & writing in biro*, he'd do without crayons & felt tips for sure haha) He loves numbers & when we walk past shop windows he describes to me the letters, shapes & numbers he remembers & asks me "Whats that one mummy?" He's so clever. Darcey also is just amazing. She spelt out Zoo from her library book the other day & said if you add a M on the end its says Zoom like a rocket. Such awesome inspiring amazing bubbas. Im literally so in awe everytime I really sit & think of how wonderful my children are. ( I always have to pause & think is it okay to right MY children when of course Darcey is not mine but to be honest I treat her as mine, I love her like my own & I educate her & teach her life lessons, knowledge & wisdom I would always teach Jasper. Just to kind of clarify if anyone reads this & thinks its odd as her step mummy to write that. We have such an exceptional relationship for two people brought together in strained circumstances. Just thought Id get that out, back to blog!!)

So we had an amazing day, one that actually included some sun but still pretty cold winds!! We all love going to Swanbourne Lake in Arundel. Its so peaceful & chilled there & such a glorious nature location that we can all enjoy. Its amazing how much nature can be used as a playground for young & old. We all challenged our fears & walked up hugely steep hills, just safe enough for a two year old. My freak out mummy mode was on overload but still managed to have ridiculous amounts of fun!! We walked through what felt like secret passages looking down on the people walking the usual route & feeling invisible & adventurous. We sat & ate our snacks on a steep hill surrounded by birds chirping & our giggles. It was so strange to feel so alone even though there was lots of people using the paths below us. We had a fab view & its no secret that I am fascinated by tree's, something Jasper has inherited from me, so we all talked about the prettys surroundings & how unhungry the ducks were! They wouldnt eat our seed we'd brought for the them lil buggers!! It just had such an amazing feeling of closeness even when lil miss Darcey gets in her stroppy mood which she did but doesnt do often. I think all the closeness almost puts a fear in her sometimes as when me & her have a great girly time she always seems to back off after to access how she is feeling as I know it prob is hard for her as maybe she wants these experiences with her own mum & maybe Im a little expecting that we are going to always be best of friends. Some days like us all she just has stroppy, anxious days and I am certainally her target when it comes to those moments. Im an easy target & an accepting one as I also am the one who snaps her out of these moods with kind words & five year old understandings. I try so very hard for her even when it actually rips my heart apart that I may have caused her anxieties or upset &  vise versa. She can be extremely cruel with her actions sometimes to me or Jasper, very rarely daddy which again is expected but when she does this sometimes as an over emotional human being it does get me hard. And when she see's or realises after a chat with daddy that she is actually being mean she does question herself & always apologises & what follows is so groundbreaking as she will then open up about her feelings & will spend time just snuggling & talking it through. I will tell her memories of when she was little & she just listens contently so it passes quickly but it is a heartache I cant & probably wont ever be able to comfortably tolerate but all the while I always will as she is my beautiful ducky doo & I love her good & bad!! Just like the unconditional love I hold for Jasper. Which talking of pumpkin pie I still cannot get over how bloody content with life this little boo is. I literally still am yet to see a tantrum melt down awful strop come out of this bubb & even when he gets mad he is so easy to encourage out of having a strop & so well consoled after feeling a rage. He is just the most content happy boy. Pretty sure I have written these words in most posts but jeez, seriously chilled bubbshalubb!! Love & light to my gorgee Harrisons. 143xx

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